Breakups are often framed as something you just “move on” from—quickly, neatly, and cleanly. But research published in Social Psychological and Personality Science in March 2025 paints a different picture. According to the study, it can take up to eight years to fully get over an ex. Yes, that long… And while that number may seem excessive, even dramatic, the science behind it is clear: romantic loss leaves a deep psychological imprint, and the healing process is anything but straightforward. Keep on reading to discover why exactly it could take this long.
What Makes Moving On So Difficult
While it’s tempting to measure recovery by how soon you start dating again or stop texting your ex, the reality runs deeper. Psychologists highlight three key reasons why emotional recovery can stretch across years, not months.
Emotional Imprinting
Falling in love isn’t just a feeling—it’s a neurological event. Love stimulates the brain’s reward pathways, triggering a chemical cocktail of dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin. When a relationship ends, those systems don’t just shut off. The absence creates a kind of emotional withdrawal, not unlike substance addiction. That’s why sudden feelings of craving, obsession, or despair can surface months—or even years—later.
Nonlinear Grieving
Unlike a broken bone, emotional healing doesn’t follow a steady timeline. Breakups share many traits with bereavement: grief arrives in waves, sometimes when you least expect it. A certain song, a familiar place, or even a passing scent can bring a flood of memories that feel as raw as day one. This irregularity can fool people into thinking they’ve “relapsed,” when in fact, they’re just moving through a normal grieving arc.
Identity Fusion
The longer and more intimate the relationship, the more likely you are to have merged parts of your identity with your partner’s. Shared routines, mutual goals, even inside jokes—they all form a complex emotional architecture. After a breakup, it’s not just the relationship that’s lost, but a piece of yourself. Rebuilding that sense of autonomy and self-definition is a quiet, gradual process that often takes years.
Why It Can Take Years to Get Over an Ex
Getting over someone isn’t just about forgetting or distracting yourself. It’s about untangling neural pathways, allowing grief to run its course, and rediscovering your individual identity. And as research shows, there’s no shortcut for that kind of work.
